Matt Kemp might stand to shed a pound, but he’s no tub of goo


Can’t beat fun at the ol’ ballpark, folks.

The Atlanta Braves aren’t very good, but there’s a lot of one Atlanta Brave to like. Too much, according to Jon Heyman, who reports in Today’s Knuckleball that the team is “said to have concerns about Matt Kemp’s weight and will likely encourage an offseason workout program to get him back to his halcyon days.”

Two questions.

First, isn’t an offseason workout program something that every professional athlete should, you know, already have?

Second, isn’t this where I came in?

I arrived in Atlanta in 1984, just as the Braves turned due south after two winning seasons under Joe Torre. The rest of that decade was chock-full of lousiness and weirdness, from the all-day brawl with the Padres to Rick Camp’s home run in the middle of the night to Bob Horner hitting four home runs in one of the few games not aired lived on the Superstation. (That Sunday afternoon was devoted to Ted Turner’s Goodwill Games.)

Note: Even with Horner hitting four homers, the Braves lost 11-8.

Note also: Horner’s contract included a weight clause. He’d weigh in every Friday. Then, legend has it, he’d go out and eat three lunches.

The absolute strangest development of that mostly forgotten time came in 1985 when, for no apparent reason, David Letterman felt moved to refer to Braves reliever Terry Forster as “a big fat tub of goo” in an opening monologue. (Apparently Dave had been watching the Superstation.) This led, inevitably, to Forster appearing on “Late Night” and, as big fat tubs of goo are wont to do, eating a ham sandwich on camera.

(He also prepared tacos — chicken and beef — for Letterman and members of the audience, a comedic bit that overstayed its welcome.)

This televised moment also led Forster to attempt a second career as a singer/entertainer. The cover of his one record — “Fat Is In,” credited to “Terry Forster and the Lovehandles” — is shown above. I can’t say I have any memory of his vocal stylings, possibly because Forster himself doesn’t actually sing. He talks, briefly.

But I digress, as I tend to do about those Braves days, which were not so halcyon.

Reader Comments 0


Wasn't it Tommy LaSorda who said "No matter how good you are you will lose at least 54 games. No matter how bad you are you will win at least 54 games. It's your record in the other 54 that determines what kind of success you will or will not have.


Do I need to remind people that George Herman Ruth/ The Babe, was a fat, slow, non athlete who hit 714 homers and batted .342 lifetime.


@atlson Comparing Matt Kemp to Babe Ruth is like comparing a 4-story parking deck to the Empire State Building.  Ruth was hardly a "non-athlete"....He's in everyone's Top 5 athletes of all-time, usually placing 1st or 2nd on most lists.  Not even sure why you would go there.


Kemp is fat and slow. His game would benefit from losing 30-40 lbs. He looks like he the body of an athlete retired for a couple of years.


Braves are winning...more! Why? In my opinion, and it''s worth about zero on the open market, it has a lot to do with changing managers and maturing athletes. Gonzalez had the baseball knowledge, no doubt, but he doesn't have what Snitker has. Snitker knows how to handle kids and that's what the Braves are, a bunch of kids with a sprinkle of aging talent. It gives all of us hope for next year. If the Braves haven't already arranged for a new manager I hope they will give Snitker a chance. When the Braves brought Snitker in as manager I believe they had no expectations of Snitker, other than to finish the season, much less turn this team into a scrappy bunch of guys that won't quit. This team is not going to win a playoff spot, they're not going to win anything except respect, and that is something they didn't have under Gonzalez. It will be a shame if Snitker is not given a chance in 2017. If the deal is already sealed on a new manager, I hope another team with young talent grabs Snitker as manager and he gets another shot.

Pub Heaven
Pub Heaven

Was at that '86 game. Left after Horner's 3rd home run. One of the dullest games ever.


An offseason workout program will only benefit Kemp if it turns back the clock and takes away his arthritic hips.  Here's what the "first piece in the 2017 roster build" has done since joining the Braves for an avg annual salary of $18 Million/year:

10 Games, 1 HR, 5 RBI, -0.3 WAR

40 PA, 12 SO = 30% Strikeout Rate

35 AB, 7 Hits = .200 Batting Avg

.275 OBP, .343 SLG, .618 OPS

That's what $18 Million/yr gets you these days when you go shopping in another team's garbage can.

And for anyone who thinks Kemp has added "protection" in the lineup for Freddie, here's what that protection has done for FF in the 9 games with Kemp batting behind him:

Tues Aug 2nd, 0 for 5, 3 SO

Wed Aug 3rd, 1 for 3, 2 SO, 1 BB

Thurs Aug 4th, 0 for 4, 2 SO

Fri Aug 5th, 0 for 4, 4 SO

Sat Aug 6th, 3 for 3, 2 BB

Sun Aug 7th, 0 for 3, 1 SO, 2 BB

Mon Aug 8th, 1 for 5

Tues Aug 9th, 0 for 3, 1 SO, 1BB

Wed Aug 10th, 3 for 3, 1 BB

FF has been 8 for 33 (.242 BA), 13 SO (31.7%), 7 BB (17.1%) in those 9 games.

FF has been .281 BA, 128 SO (25.8%), 55 BB (11.1%) for the entire season.


I'm not really sure what this article was about.....Yoda would say, "Funny, your not"



"Your" not???

She would say that only if she were illiterate.